In my last blog I discussed my “Dark Night of the Soul”, and expressed my decision to stop fighting it and just ride it out. That was Monday the 3rd; by Friday I was absolutely desolate and I spent the next four days locked in the darkest place I have been since the breakdown of my second marriage. Drank wine and ate chocolate and wrote poetry (more Sylvia Platt then Elizabeth Barrett). This only made me feel worse, the alcohol especially did nothing to lessen the pain, the wine simply impaired my judgment. Allowing the negative thinking to be compounded by unrealistic expectations of how things (and people) should be.
Like it or not Tuesday I had to put on people clothes and go out
into the world. I am a volunteer at the Nanaimo Men’s Centre. I am rigorous about keeping my word, so bailing was not an option for me. After that was done I hurried home to grab some dinner and go to the second committee meeting of Human Exchange Society. This is a group a started volunteering with about a month ago; they provide refuge shelter for recovering addicts. At that meeting my duties for the group were defined and I began almost immediately thinking about how to bring the most value possible to my service for these clients.
Tuesday was clearly a turning point by Wednesday I was pondering
what lessons I could take from these experiences I am having now. Thursday I found myself willing to trust that (even if I don’t understand) what is going on, must be necessary for my spiritual growth. With that knowledge I am now able to allow the negativity of this situation to begin flowing through me from moment to moment. I am not holding onto it any more. Am I back to my old self? No, but I am better then I was a week ago. And isn’t this human experience really about moving forward.
I have always found I am happiest living outside myself; by that I mean when I am in service to others. Tuesday brought me back in touch with that. So, I guess I am suggesting volunteerism as therapy.
Have a joyous day.
Like it or not Tuesday I had to put on people clothes and go out
into the world. I am a volunteer at the Nanaimo Men’s Centre. I am rigorous about keeping my word, so bailing was not an option for me. After that was done I hurried home to grab some dinner and go to the second committee meeting of Human Exchange Society. This is a group a started volunteering with about a month ago; they provide refuge shelter for recovering addicts. At that meeting my duties for the group were defined and I began almost immediately thinking about how to bring the most value possible to my service for these clients.
Tuesday was clearly a turning point by Wednesday I was pondering
what lessons I could take from these experiences I am having now. Thursday I found myself willing to trust that (even if I don’t understand) what is going on, must be necessary for my spiritual growth. With that knowledge I am now able to allow the negativity of this situation to begin flowing through me from moment to moment. I am not holding onto it any more. Am I back to my old self? No, but I am better then I was a week ago. And isn’t this human experience really about moving forward.
I have always found I am happiest living outside myself; by that I mean when I am in service to others. Tuesday brought me back in touch with that. So, I guess I am suggesting volunteerism as therapy.
Have a joyous day.
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