In response to the obvious question, “What is she babbling about now?” I am experiencing my first true, DARK NIGHT of the SOUL. It would be wrong for me to let you believe that living from spirit means that “shit won’t happen”. I have taken you along on this journey so far; the wisdom I have learned (much of it from our Native brothers and sisters), the insights, the joy, the hope for humanity… so many exciting things to see on the path to enlightenment. Now I have hit a pothole and feel it is necessary to share that too.
This began a few weeks ago and involves a confluence (hope I used that word right) of emotionally charged events; all of which have been precipitated externally. An old love returned just long enough to upset the emotional apple-cart, renewing feelings of guilt and regret. Then there was/is a major financial setback. Circumstances are forcing me to focus on certain chronic health issues, which I find manageable and choose not to dwell on. My computer had a problem and it ate many personal files; some irreplaceable pictures, short stories and poetry. Beyond the sadness around losing those things; until I can replace this laptop I am afraid to download the images for my kids' book…so that project is on hold. I have also discovered that my eyesight has deteriorated to the point where I can’t read books anymore (2-3 pages in and my eyes burn). If you know anyone in Nanaimo B.C. who is interested alternative views of Christianity or Native Justice; I am looking for a reader.
Although I can resolve each of these in my head, I can’t get my
heart to “feel it”. I think that is what makes this a “DARK NIGHT of the SOUL” At first I fought the feelings of negativity and depression, but the failure to sustain a positive attitude just added feelings of inadequacy to the mix. So I have decided not to be proactive… I will lash myself to the mast and ride out the storm (to reference a nautical term). I will cry my tears, rage my rages, write my poems and soon as with all things, this
the DARK NIGHT of the SOUL has been referenced by so many of the dominant healers and teachers in the human potential movement that I think it may exist as some kind of energetic breaking point or portal. I am picturing a tunnel that gets so narrow you have to leave all that you are carrying behind. It will allow us to continue on the journey freely. Or it could just be shit happens and at this moment it’s happening to me. Guess
we’ll see in good time LOL. Have a joyous week.